Mar. 8th, 2017

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We intuitively sense the effects of the self-protective Cancer Moon today as our emotions rise dangerously close to the surface. Nevertheless, we might push them back into the subconscious if we think that expressing them will create too much conflict. However, buried fears and attractions create a vortex of energy that produces negative consequences. Bringing everything out into the open where it can be observed, processed and managed is best.

You've already made up your mind and you don't want anything bringing you down today. Commiseration between coworkers may push your buttons more than usual as you wish everyone would get back to work. As the tenacious Cancer Moon funnels emotional energy into your 10th House of Status, you're both more concerned with protecting your reputation and more likely to overreact toward any perceived threats toward it. Try not to take out your insecurities on your peers as you cling to a public image that may not even be in danger.

It was another day of sleeping that I missed with the little help of six mg of pink hydromorphone. Dear little pills that I have a stockpile of are a necessity to get past the wave of disabling pain. I don’t feel pain when it dims my vision so much that I can hardly see to stand up.

Somehow I ate a supper and a few cups of coffee. I also smoked five cigarettes that should have been out on the balcony but instead were smoked in the warmth of the stairwell. It is a $250.00 fine for getting caught according to city bylaws and the building management as enforced by security. Luckily I have not been caught sneaking out in my white terry towel kimono and grey slippers.

I reviewed my posts and found that a few were erroneously deleted. I know now that those mysteriously labelled files in my main folder were the missing files. Apparently the wordprocessor I use saves the files as backup. I have to find out how to get past the file saving feature that creates those oddly named files.

I do honestly try to keep my fingernails in good condition. I am not a professional but I know how I like to see my fingernails looking. So, I file my fingernails down to shape them nicely and then use Hard As Nails polish to protect the strength. Since I do a lot of typing, my fingernails get misshapened by how my fingernails hit the keys on the keyboard. It takes care to keep my fingernails in the shape I want them to be.

On another note the two cats we have are doing well. The kitten is now a year old and the older female is now nine years old. The kitten only weighs about twelve pounds while the older one is about twenty two pounds. They eat a dry kibble of a special diet formulae that costs about $60.00 per twenty pound bag. I also feed the two cats Tastee treats as an extra. Twister has a half cc of liquid Prednisone daily. She gets about ten extra treats to chase the white liquid out of her mouth and down her throat.

I made a cheap toy out of a two foot long piece of plastic stick that I drilled a hole in to tie a five foot long length of twine. The home made toy is what I use to go cat fishing. The whip is excellent for attracting attention o f Dory, the kitten, and for playing with her. Twister is too big and fat to chase anything so she just lays down on her side and watches everything from afar.

I take a daily bath in hot sudsy water that is about 110` F to 115` F. Peter can’t put his hand into my hot water. I slowly ease myself into the suds and then go about stretching my back out as straight as I can. I have a crushed vertebrae and a curved spine that has a half inch thick layer of calcium coating from skull down to tailbone called Anklyosis Spondalitis.

I have gone about breaking the coating of my spine in three separate places so that I can move. I didn’t like having a rigid spine that was so unyielding. It took a lot of painkillers and a hammer to hit repeatedly until I could move in the manner I wanted. The doctors freak if I tell them what I did just to move my neck sideways. I can’t look down or up because of the thick calcium.

It isn’t fun to be disabled. When I first became sick with AS, I felt like I had the worst case of flu that I had ever had. I was so sick that I could hardly stand up let alone walk any distance. Stairs were simply out of the question for me to do. I could not go down or up any stairs even though that at the time I lived on the second floor of a rental building. I rented a room that I moved into before I lay down on a futon couch for four years. I became so sick that I could not even sign my name. It was a living nightmare that didn’t end.

Time went by ever so slowly and I just kept waking up every morning. My only sanity saver was my computer connection to the world I once knew. Super Stupid was what I called my computer while I just called myself Stupid. I could not play music or print out files as easily as Super Stupid could. One thing of note was that I began learning all kinds of stuff from the Internet. Yes, it made me learn more than what I learned in school.

I weighed 98 lbs for almost ten years before I began to gain weight again. My present doctor wanted to phone for an ambulance when I walked into his office one afternoon. He couldn’t believe what I was going through nor the list of prescriptions I had. He didn’t want anything to do with me, but he promised Peter that he would see me. After a month or so, I became his patient. That was twelve years ago. Amazing!


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September 2017

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